Nostalgia
by oh.kd
Summary: And if you're lucky, I mean if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back.  - F/R
1. one

_two-shot finchel._

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><p>.<p>

She left the day after grad.

No goodbye-party or heartfelt farewells. She didn't pull a _Rachel-Berry-Dramatic-Exit_ and let everybody know where she was going and just for what reason.

She just left.

Packed up all her clothes, took all her pictures, said goodbye to her dads, and left.

For the first few weeks he thought of nothing but what he did to make her leave.

I mean, It didn't take a fucking scientist to understand Rachel Berry,

She wasn't happy in Lima, she had _never_ been.

He tried calling her on the phone a few times after she left, but she never answered.

She simply just tried to erase them from her life as best she could,

Including him.

He remembers what she had told him one day way back when, when nothing really mattered.

_"My dreams are bigger then that and they are bigger then you."_

_.  
><em>

It was six years later.

He was standing in line at the local 7/11, buying a pack of smokes, a diet coke and a pack of gum.

He remembers turning around to the lady behind him as she tapped him on the shoulder, asking him if he was in line when he saw _her._

She was browsing at the magazines near the back of the store. Her hair tied back, her make up dark and her nose scrunched up while looking at the Times Magazine she held in her hands.

He didn't know whether it was the sense of someone looking at her, but she looked up at him and he just stood there, _frozen_ like some kind of idiot.

Her eyes went big and wide and blank.

_Blank_

He didn't move. He didn't risk taking those few strides to get any closer to her,

_if he gets close to her maybe she'll leave again._

Not funny, he thought. Kind of cheesy really.

He zoned back in when she walked that same distance towards him, a big 100 watt smile playing on her lips.

"Finn" She said, he pulled off some kind of lopsided smile and he knew how dumb he looked but he didn't care.

Everything was kind of surreal anyway. I mean, what she had just said. He couldn't count how many times his name had left her lips, how many time she had screamed or whined or giggled his name and no matter how many times she could say it, it would never lose the effect it had on him. The stomach butterlies kind of feel? The giddy school boy puppy love kind of feeling._ Love._ Just generally said.

It was gone.

Everything about her now was so- alien.

She wasn't the same girl that had left Lima six years ago. She didn't have her sequined leg warmers on, and she wasn't cutting him off mid sentence to correct his grammar. He bet she didn't put a _fucking gold star_ beside her name every time she signed, because in reality, why would she have time to put a gold star when signing _autographs?_

"Rachel." He smiled back.

Rachel.

It wasn't anything new to him, it was the name that had been running through his brain since the moment she boarded the plane.

That was the last time he saw _Rachel Berry,_

And the truth was, that in that second, standing there in the middle of the 7/11 talking to her like complete and total strangers,

Finn realized that he would never see _Rachel Berry_ again.

.

_review please~_


	2. two

_prt2 - a quote from oth in here too by the way_

_._

She agreed to have lunch with him.

He didn't really know why he asked, or how he asked because everything up until he finished his Angus burger in Applebees had been kind of hazy.

She sat across from him, taking a delicate sip of her ice water. She had ordered a salad.

"So hows Broadway? I hear you've done really well for yourself." He mummbled as he took another awkward sip of his rootbeer. He just didn't know how to talk to her.

She smiled at his attempt to make conversation. "It's good. And I'd like to think so. I love what I'm doing."

"Do you."

Maybe it came off sarcastically, maybe it didn't. Her face dropped though, and sure his comment stung with some kind of venom because what did she expect?

"Finn I know-"

"What?" He asked. "What do you know Rachel Berry. Please enlighten me." he said, scrunching up his napkin and throwing it down onto his empty plate. She stared at him with big doe brown eyes.

"Bye Rachel." he said, standing up to leave.

"Finn! I know we left on bad terms but you don't have to be rude."

"No- I don't have to be rude. I don't have to be anything for you." he said, shrugging into his jacket. "And just to clarify-" He said turning back to her before he turneed to leave. "I think I'm the last person to be called Rude at this table. Rude is leaving without a fucking goodbye."

.

He slammed the kitchen cupboards after grabbing band aids from the top shelf. He huffed furiously as he opened up the box and ripped open a few band aids to cover his now bloody knuckles. When he got pissed he took it out on the walls of his apartment.

There was a sharp knock at the door. He huffed even more in anger as he walked to the door to open it.

Maybe he was taken back for a second because she was standing at his doorway, or maybe the reason he was so startled for that split second was just because it was her. She was real, and here.

He composed himself just as quickly. "Rachel, what the hell are you doing here?"

He didn't mean to be rude to her. He never wanted to hurt her feelings or make her sad or anything. Especially since she was standing with her eyes directed towards her shoes and her hair tucked behind her ear. Truth was he just wanted to pull her into him and apologize. Apologize for the last six years.

"Kurt told me your address." She said, still not meeting his eyes. "I just wanted to come and talk."

He nodded, letting her in. Everything about her drew him in. Her smell, her presence, her hair, her black dress she was wearing, everything and he absolutely hated her for it.

He had never been like this. Never been so spiteful or rude. They said he had started acting like Puck and even though he denied it, he could tell he wasn't the same.

But that's what happens, you know?

You get left at an airport by the girl you love, that _does_ something to you.

He wasn't sixteen anymore. He wasn't the same innocent Finn everyone knew back in High School. That Finn was naive, young, he was a coward, not man enough to make her stay with him in the long run.

"It's lovely." She said with his back to him, staring at his decorations, picture frames hanging on the walls and stainless steel appliances in the kitchen.

She turned around to him now, her smile kind. "You've done well for yourself too I suppose."

He cracked a forced smile, and he watched as hers wavered.

She walked towards the couch, taking a seat as he cracked open a beer and joined her in the living room, sitting in the armchair across from her.

She crossed her legs nervously, he couldn't help himself as he noticed how high up her dress stretched when he did that.

It took her a second to start the conversation after she realized that Finn would not be the one to say something first. She took a deep breathe and steadied herself before she started.

"It was hard for me."

He'd been waiting for this.

He had new this whole conversation was coming. About how sorry she was for leaving, or how she missed Lima but she had to do what was right.

Following her dreams bullshit.

For the first time that day, Finn cracked a real smile. Rachel didn't like it at all. She sat there nervously playing with the hem of her dress.

"_Was_ it hard Rachel?" His smile mocked her. He took a long sip from his beer, his eyes blazed before continuing. "_Was_ it really hard to get on that plane? Because I don't know, you didn't really give it a second thought before you just bailed on everything here."

Her eyes were full of apologies. His anger and the alcohol were getting the best of him. "I came here to say sorry Finn." She said boldly, staring him in his eyes. "I made a mistake. It was a long time ago."

He laughed harshly. "It wasn't a mistake, and it's funny how _6 fucking years_ later you decide to come back and apologize to me."

Her frustration made tears come to her eyes, and he couldn't do anything but stare at her furiously. "Why are you being like this? When'd you become so-"

He cut her off mid sentence.

"Rude? Mean? Bitter? Take your pick Rachel."

She closed her mouth, eyes still full of tears. When she had nothing to say, he continued.

"I know exactly when I became _so_." He paused. His anger was gone, now it was just replaced with scary calmness. And he knew she couldn't decide what emotion she liked better. "It was the day where I chased this girl to the airport and got on one knee and begged her not to leave." His eyes were blank. "I begged her. Maybe just not to leave Lima, but not to leave me."

Those damn tears that he had been waiting for poured over and trailed down her cheeks. It was just as hard, watching her stand there crying, in the middle of his apartment all because of something he was saying.

He tried to laugh. "The ring wasn't even that bad, was it?"

He had taken down all her pictures. He had stopped talking about her, stopped saying the name Rachel because he knew if he said it he'd think of her, and thats all he'd do, was think about her.

Think about her, and the fact that she left him and was never coming back.

He didn't feel anything anymore. He built up these walls to shut anything and everything out. He would not let himself be so vulnerable. He _couldn't_. He was sixteen anymore.

But her, just standing there, crying to him. Crying _because_ of him.

He brought an angry hand up to his face, he swore to God he would punch something again but all of a sudden all he felt was sadness. That wrecking sadness and he swore to _fucking_ God his heart was breaking all over again.

"I_ loved_ you. I loved you_ so much_." He cried, looking away from her. If he even caught a glimpse of her at that moment he would have lost it. "And you just,- _you just left."_

From the corner of the eye he saw her move, whether it was towards him or away from him but all he knew next was that she had grabbed his face in her tiny hands and pulled him down to her height so forcefully it knocked all the air out of his lungs. And before he had time to regain that lost air, his lips were pressed so hard against her he lost all ability to breathe.

He was kissing her.

He was kissing Rachel.

Last thing he'd expect was her pressing herself harder and harder against him. It was surreal.

It felt like when you got caught in a huge wave, and you're just treading underwater, disoriented. Not knowing which way is up or which way it down.

He grabbed the back of her head roughly, almost as if he were pulling into her just as hard.

He couldn't help himself.

She pulled her lips away from his, catching her breath and his just trailed down to her neck. Roughly kissing and nipping the sensitive skin there. Her moans were all Finn could hear.

His bedroom wasn't far from the living room, so when she returned to his lips he wrapped his arms down around her hips and carried her to the bedroom.

She was the one who threw him down on the bed at this point, leaning over him and kissing him. Her hair created a silky curtain around his face. She smelt like vanilla.

It was weird, He thought-somewhere at the back of his head in the middle of all of this. He missed her lips so much. He clung to them, missing everything about her. Taking it all in at once.

She was here, she was real, she was home.

He ran a large hand of his down the back of her bare thigh, traveling back up he pushed the back of her tight dress up as far as he could before getting to her ass.

She groaned into his mouth as he squeezed on it, secretly proud of himself for making Rachel Berry feel so hot and heavy.

He knew what she was trying to do now. Take control of the situation again, as she ran her hands down his chest and pushed his shirt up. She started kissing his abs.

"Rachel." he moaned, mentally kicking himself. She only smiled into the kissing on his stomach.

She worked her way down and down until she reached the hem of his jeans.

She didn't even hesitate before undoing the button and zipper and pushing them down to his knees.

"Oh Finn." She sighed, smiling as she teased him. Trailing the hem of his boxers with her pinky finger.

Before she could go any further Finn forcefully pulled her back to his lips and he eagerly kissed her. He had the upper hand here. Trailing his large hands over every part of her body now. He rested his hands on her breasts, pulling at the hem of her shirt until it came off over her head. He kissed all down her stomach, and gently in the curve in between her boobs. After that, Rachel lied there with only her bra and underwear (that didn't even cover much) under Finn.

He kissed along her neck now sweetly, taking his time for each and every kiss.

"Come on Finn, lets do it." She murmured, grabbing at his hair. He just kept kissing her.

That's all he wanted to do, was kiss every inch of her body.

He murmured an o.k and just before he was about to pull off his boxers she sighed into his ear.

_"I love you Finn."_

It was as though something snapped. Someone turned a switch back onto reality.

Finn suddenly became hyper-aware of everything.

He shot up from the bed causing Rachel to fall back into the covers with a questioning look on her face.

She watched him as he leaned against the door frame with one arm. His back muscles rippling.

"Finn?" She whispered. It would be too cheesy to say that the insecurity in her voice broke his heart, so he'd never admit to it. He knew if he turned back around to her now, he'd be a goner. Seeing her in his bed right now, he wouldn't be able to hold himself back. He needed to do this.

"Rachel, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

The silence hit like a freight train. Almost piercing the atmosphere painfully. He closed his eyes as he leaned with one arm against the door.

He heard the sheets move on his bed, and he could already tell how upset she must have looked. "Did I do something wrong?" She whispered. She whispered as though it was her fault, that she did something horribly wrong.

"No." Finn said forcefully before clenching his eyes shut again. "It's just- You have to go. I can't do this."

She didn't move, "Why? What did I-"

He cut her off mid sentence, turning to her agitatedly. "Sarah is going to be home soon and I need you to leave Rachel!"

She was so small, her legs were tangled in his sheets, her long brown hair cascading down to her stomach. She was wearing black underwear and a black bra. She stared at him with sad eyes.

It stopped him in his tracks.

"Sarah."

It wasn't a question. She nodded and looked down at her fingers that were tied in her lap. She said it as if it were a statement. As if it were acceptance. As if she knew this was coming.

He watched her as she untangled herself from her sheets and grabbed her clothes off the floor. She was crying now, and it was impossible to turn away from her.

"I'm so sorry Finn."

Did she expect that when she returned that everything would be the same?

Like he had said, he wasn't sixteen year old Finn Hudson now. His biggest problem wasn't what he was going to get on his geometry test or what he'd wear to Prom.

They weren't kids anymore.

She turned away from him, wiping her eyes and pulling her shirt and pants on. She turned towards the door.

"Rachel-" He said softly, stopping her.

She turned to him now, trying to look as happy for him as she possibly could.

"You can't do this to me." He cried. "You can't come back after all this time."

She nodded and looked down at her feet, she was still crying and it absolutely broke his heart.

But this was it. This was what he had been waiting for, for 6 years.

Closure.

"I loved you, and I still love you and I will always love you, but after you left-" He sighed, his eyes almost brimmed with tears. "Life went on without you."

.

He called her a taxi, he helped her get cleaned up a bit. She was planning on staying with her dads until the next morning when she could catch a plane back to New York.

They were sitting in his living room now, Him on the bar stool and her on the couch.

It was silent, but it was a nice silence. Peaceful, almost.

Finn walked to the apartment window to find the yellow taxi waiting on the street below. He turned around to see that Rachel was already standing at the door, a small smile on her face and her coat in her hand.

This was the hard part.

Before he could say anything she began to speak softly.

"Sometimes I have this dream, where we're eighteen again, standing in the middle of the airport, and you're in front of me on your knees, asking me to marry you." She looked up at him, smiling a crooked smile that didn't reach her eyes. "And every single time I say _yes."_

He nodded.

When they were sixteen, he was convinced he was in love with Rachel Berry. That was a big deal, you know? Loving a girl at that age? You're whole life was ahead of you and you were already positive you found the girl you were going to marry.

It never changed.

Not when they were teenagers, or graduated from High School, not when he begged for her in the middle of the Ohio Airport to marry him and stay here, not when she ignored all his calls or emails, and not now.

Not when she was standing in front of him in his apartment doorway all these years later.

He flashed her the exact same forced smile. "Its only a dream though, right?

She looked him in the eye, hers full of tears.

"It's _my_ dream."

He would never stop loving her. Not in a million years or after that.

She would always be his star, his _Rachel Berry_, his high school sweetheart and despite what he had said earlier that day, that sixteen year old version of herself was still there. He brought it out in her, just like she brought out naive, little Finn Hudson who told her he loved her the day of Regionals.

Nobody could come close to being everything she was, but he knew that to live his own life he'd have to let go.

Let _her_ go.

"Goodbye Finn." She smiled as the tears trailed down her cheeks, she leaned in and pulled him close and he wrapped her long arms around her small torso. She fit into him perfectly. He was seconds away from crying, but instead he used up all his strength not to, he used it to take in this moment as much as he could. As though he could take a picture and make it stay the same forever. His eyes were full of tears as he held her as close to him as he possibly could, kissing the top of her head for a moment before she pulled away.

"Goodbye Rachel." He spoke gently, and she gave him a tight smile before turning her back to him, walking down the hallway towards the elevator.

He watched her go the whole way, until she stopped, pressing the button for the first floor and turned back to smile at him.

They stood at opposite ends of the hallway, smiling at each other. These weren't forced smiles anymore, but raw and real and full of emotion.

He knew she'd do wonderful things in New York, she'd be a huge success, even more then she is now.

And if you love someone, you're supposed to do anything for them to make them happy?

The least he could do for her now was let her go. To be everything she ever dreamed of being.

So Finn Hudson stood in his doorway watching her as she walked into the elevator,

This was it,

The final goodbye, the last see-you-later,

And before the doors fully closed, he smiled at her and yelled down the hall, loud enough for her to hear every word.

"Break a leg Rachel."

And her smile was the last thing he saw before the elevator doors closed behind her.

.

_the end._


End file.
